


Top Story

by brutti_ma_buoni



Category: Drop the Dead Donkey
Genre: Gen, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-04-25 18:03:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4970956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brutti_ma_buoni/pseuds/brutti_ma_buoni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Damien's filed a more than usually perturbing story. The newsroom is taking stock.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Top Story

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tish/gifts).



SCENE: a golden-stone, rambling high street. A red telephone box. A village green.

DAMIEN DAY: And it is here, in the heart of the Cotswolds, that rumours of this outbreak of cannibal zombies first emerged. Now, three days later, there is no doubt that England is the place where the dead have begun to walk.

OFF-CAMERA VOICE: _Damien, Damien, I think we should get out of her-_

DAMIEN: Don't be ridiculous, Gerry. This zombie stuff is hilarious. They couldn't outrun an arthritic warthog. The couldn't outrun _Henry_ after a dinner at the Groucho and one of those times when he shows his manliness by wrestling some infant-

DAMIEN'S expression changes to a horrified stare. 

GERRY (STILL OFF CAMERA): What? There's one behind me, isn't there?

DAMIEN: Don't be silly, Gerry. I'd tell you if there was a pack of zombies beh-

GERRY: A _PACK_?

The camera drops. We see DAMIEN'S feet running out of shot, and hear a shout of "I'm a journalist. You can't touch me!" All else is blood (GERRY'S) and screaming (mostly also GERRY).

CUT

There was a shaken silence in the editing suite. It didn't get better with repeat viewing. Dave had seen it five times now, and he still felt like throwing up. Damien was a dick, obviously, but-

"Well," said George, in a very calm voice that in no way concealed his panic, "I suppose it's good it wasn't live on air, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Joy answered. "Because we'd hate people to panic about getting eaten by the living dead. What we need is for people to remain totally ignorant, and just get eaten instead of us. Until-"

"Yes, thank you, Joy," George said hastily, before she could get onto the "until the only people left alive are us, and the zombies are at the door and-". Dave heard her thinking it, anyway. Joy was a very loud thinker at all times, but especially now.

A loud roar and a thump outside made them flinch. George sighed. "Oh dear. I do wish Henry hadn't seen that clip."

Dave nodded. Henry hadn't really taken on board the looming Armageddon part, just the slur on his physical capacity. He'd run up and down the stairs three times before being stopped by a) Helen and b) angina, but had been further aggravated by c) Sally's smirk as he gasped in agony, and hadn't really stopped ranting in the (Dave checked his watch) ninety-six minutes since Damien's piece had ended. 

Dave wondered how far a zombie infestation could travel in ninety-six minutes. There had been reports from Oxford, then Birmingham, and Globelink's half-arsed regional news arm in Basingstoke hadn't answered the phone all morning. Which was pretty much normal behaviour for them, but not reassuring in the circumstances. 

The door opened, and sanity walked in. With a clipboard. "Okay," said Helen. "I called the Beeb, and Reuters, and we've got a warning system set up for when the plague reaches London. If you want to risk going home, that's fine, but we are hearing that the roads and tube are pretty bad already. Nothing much has been broadcast, but people have been getting calls from friends and relatives in the Midlands, and they know it's coming. So, I've been talking to security, and we think we can seal off floors five and six pretty well against intruders. We'll have to cut the lift and block the air con vents, but there are openable windows up there, and the canteen has enough non-perishables to see us through for a fortnight or so, even if everyone stays." Her voice wobbled a little. "And, maybe some of us could add a family member or two. If they were very nearby delivering sandwiches-"

 _I love you_ , Dave thought. It was a thought he'd been trying not to have for some time, and it felt rather different this way. It wasn't so much a romantic, hopeless, spurned love as a love that said, "If anyone can organise her way through the Apocalypse, Helen can, and I'm right beside her. Or, possibly, slightly behind."

He coughed, trying to disguise the thought. "Has anyone told Gus?" he said.

There was a pause. "I-" said Helen. She looked down at her clipboard, and couldn't apparently find anything Gus-related on it. It was almost as if he didn't mean anything in Helen's world. Which was fine by Dave.

"He's out," said Joy. "At a power brunch." She checked the time. "More of a tea, by now, you'd think."

That wasn't like Gus. Not at all. He loved hanging around the office, at all hours. Not coming home – because that really was Globelink for Gus – was a sign something big had happened outside. Something really big. Something Plague of Zombies big. 

"Right," said Helen. "I'll just get going on this Apocalypse plan, shall I? And maybe get security to deactivate Gus's security pass. Just in case? We don't know how much sentience the zombies have, but just in case he tries to come back in, if-" 

_If_ went uncompleted. No need to specify. 

Damien. Gerry. Now Gus. Not to mention those family members Helen had mentioned, out there in the city with bare minutes before Globelink sealed itself off from the world. 

Dave's mouth was suddenly very dry. "Might just run down for a smoke," he said. And read in Helen's eyes that there would be no smoke breaks in the Apocalypse. 

"Oh, shit," he said. Not a lot else to say. Might be a double-fag break, in the circumstances.


End file.
